By: Maria Williams
A concerning trend has emerged among high school and college-age boys. Once vibrant, enthusiastic, and engaged in their academic and social lives, many young men are now exhibiting a troubling pattern of behavior. A growing number of boys are now disengaging from their studies, withdrawing from social interactions, and struggling with motivation.
Oftentimes, this can be observed in young men who were previously performing well but, over time, have started a descent into withdrawal and apathy, often showing up academically in their grades. They can be seen withdrawing into a world of video games or passively consuming digital content instead of doing their school work, participating in extracurricular activities, or socializing with friends in the real world. This shift has significant implications for their futures and the society they will eventually inherit.
Jeffrey Leiken, an internationally recognized figure for his innovative approaches to helping teens and young adults build thriving lives, has observed the troubling trend of disengagement among young men first-hand. As the creator of Evolution Mentoring® and Mentor Counseling®, Leiken has encountered boys who once enjoyed active social lives and academic success but have since become withdrawn and disenchanted. He describes them as bewildered, as they express confusion and frustration over their inability to engage with life meaningfully.
The mentor attributes this trend to several factors. One of them is the No Child Left Behind (NCLB) policy implemented during George W. Bush’s presidency. This policy aimed to improve educational outcomes for all American students by increasing standards of accountability for schools, teachers, and students. However, it inadvertently created challenges for boys, as it demanded more from young students at an earlier age by shifting first-grade curriculum expectations into kindergarten.
Leiken notes that boys often develop certain cognitive skills later than girls, which could make early academic pressures particularly challenging for them. A study attests to this, showing the gender gap in reading scores, with boys lagging behind girls. This disparity has led to boys falling behind, finding school either too challenging or too dull, and becoming discouraged.
The impact of these educational policies is evident in higher education statistics. As of 2021, women accounted for nearly 60% of college students in the United States. This number highlights a gender gap in higher education enrollment and suggests that boys are not only struggling academically but are also less likely to pursue higher education opportunities. This is in contrast to statistics from the turn of the century when just 20 years ago the numbers were much more evenly distributed.
In addition, Leiken points to cultural factors, including the influence of socially progressive or “woke” cultures, which can contribute to boys feeling marginalized. Messages that criticize traditional masculinity or mislabel behaviors as “toxic” can make boys feel ashamed or dismissed. This cultural shift tends to force them to seek validation in less healthy ways.
Video games, for instance, provide a powerful escape, as they offer a sense of accomplishment and community that boys may not find elsewhere. These games are designed to be highly engaging, triggering dopamine responses that make them more appealing than real-life activities. Moreover, controversial influencers who portray unhealthy images of masculinity can make young men feel angry and bitter about perceived injustices.
The lack of deep, meaningful relationships with their peers is also significant to note. Traditional male bonding activities often focus on shared experiences rather than emotional connections. This lack of emotional intimacy can leave boys feeling isolated and unsupported.
Leiken shares his conversation with a client that illustrates this. He recalls, “My client shared that he was spending time with friends around a bonfire. The conversation shifted to existential topics, including life on other planets and the future of the world. When the topic of death arose, my client became uncomfortable, knowing that one of his friends was dealing with a parent’s cancer diagnosis. He had the opportunity to offer support, but he changed the subject instead.” Leiken states that the problem is that many boys lack the skills to have deep, meaningful conversations with their peers.
This inability to engage in emotionally intimate conversations can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation, which many boys experience as they navigate their adolescent years. On the other hand, loneliness and emotional suppression can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse or complete emotional shutdown. The absence of a supportive peer network means these boys are left to face their challenges alone.
“What I strive to do is help these boys reengage and reconnect with the best of themselves. I want them to feel proud of who they are—to want to bring something valuable to the world. I aim to help them find their voice and ensure that – when they speak – their words have a meaningful impact. I want them to take actions that make others say, ‘Our community is better because you were here.’ In the end, that’s what truly matters,” the passionate mentor shares.
Leiken does this by employing a methodology built from a profound understanding of how internal orientation affects one’s life. Over time, many young people, especially boys, lose their sense of adventure and become driven by comfort, complacency, and even fear. He focuses on reorienting these boys to help them rediscover their true interests and build on their innate strengths, helping them once again feel positive about themselves, their future, and their place in the world.
This approach contrasts sharply with traditional psychotherapy. Unlike the common practice where therapists often begin by pathologizing their clients, labeling them with clinical diagnoses and treating them as patients needing to be fixed, Leiken starts with the premise that there’s nothing inherently wrong with these individuals. “Rather than offer treatment, I teach my clients how to have a more empowered way of life. This starts with instilling a different mindset, showing them how they can build a really cool life for themselves in spite of what they have been through, what they’re facing, and what lies ahead,” he explains.
Leiken leverages the same approach to Evolution Mentoring, the company he founded. Evolution Mentoring recognizes that conventional models often misunderstand and inadequately address the needs of sensitive and thoughtful young individuals. It, therefore, offers a customized education in life, helping these young people learn how to navigate a world that can be challenging for those who feel intensely, think deeply, and seek meaningful connections and careers.
Jeffrey Leiken’s insights reveal a critical trend in how today’s boys are being guided—or misled—in their developmental years. He emphasizes the importance of preventive measures, advocating for continuous support and encouragement of their passions. He shares more innovative, real-world solutions to address similar challenges in his book Adolescence Is Not A Disease: Beyond Drinking, Drugs, and Dangerous Friends: The Journey to Adulthood.
Published By: Aize Perez
