The Quiet Crisis of Church Cliques
Favoritism in churches is not always obvious. It doesn’t always make itself known in a direct way. It often shows up in more subtle areas: who gets invited to lunch after service, who is asked to lead, who is praised from the stage, and who, despite attending regularly, is still treated like a stranger.
When Familiarity Becomes Favoritism
Let’s be honest. We all have people we naturally gravitate toward—those who are easy to talk to, who make us laugh, or who share similar backgrounds or social status. This is a normal part of human behavior. But when that natural preference influences ministry decisions, it can shift from being relational to becoming exclusionary.
Elizabeth Bennett McKinney suggests that favoritism is more than just poor hospitality—it can be seen as spiritual negligence. It sends the message that “Your value is based on your social connections.”
The Gospel Is Not a Social Club
The early church was radical in its inclusivity, breaking down barriers of race, gender, and class. However, modern churches can sometimes reflect the less desirable aspects of society, elevating the charismatic, the wealthy, or the well-connected. When this happens, the ministry can begin to feel like a performance, where those behind the scenes can feel invisible.
If a church starts to feel more like a social club than a spiritual family, there may be a deeper issue. The mission of Jesus isn’t about building a personal brand—it’s about building a body, where every part is valued.
Recognizing the Overlooked
For Elizabeth, favoritism may not always be visible from the stage, but it can be felt within the congregation. Think about the person who always sits alone, the volunteer who’s never thanked, or the member who’s never invited. These are not just missed opportunities—they can become spiritual wounds.
The solution is simple, though not always easy: intentionality. Reach out to the unnoticed. Take the time to connect with the unfamiliar. Broaden your circle—not for personal benefit, but because it reflects the inclusive nature of the kingdom.
Leadership Sets the Tone
When church leadership predominantly reflects one demographic, it sends a message. If public praise is reserved for a select few, it can foster resentment. Leaders need to regularly ask themselves: Who are we elevating, and why? Are we creating a culture where everyone is seen, or only those we are most comfortable with?
A Love That Doesn’t Pick and Choose
The Church should ideally be a place where people don’t have to prove their worth based on status, style, or social ease. It should be a place where inclusion is not just a trend, but a truth we live out.
To reduce favoritism, we must first notice the people who sit on the margins, the gifts that go unused, and the wounds that may not have been caused by us but that we can help heal.
Church is not about applauding the most fashionable or well-connected individuals. It’s about serving others, just as Jesus did—seeing people as valuable, whole, and welcome.
Let’s work toward creating that kind of church—one where no one is excluded, and no one is treated with favoritism—except for those who need love most in that moment.
