By: Jennifer Wrights
Many people believe they are listening.
They hear the words being said, nod at the right time, and then wait for a pause so they can respond. But Barbara Bray believes there is a meaningful difference between hearing someone speak and listening in a way that makes them feel understood.
That difference can change a conversation. It can also change a relationship, a workplace, a classroom, a coaching session or the way someone sees themselves.
“The problem with ‘kind of’ listening is that it can lead to mistakes, misunderstandings, the wrong goals, wasting time, and lack of teamwork,” Bray writes.
For Bray, active listening is not only a professional skill; it is a human one.
As an Empowerment Coach, award-winning author, and founder of Grow Your WHY, Bray has spent more than 30 years listening to the deeper stories behind people’s experiences. Known as a “Story Weaver,” she helps people uncover the purpose, patterns, and possibilities inside their lived experiences.
Through Grow Your WHY, the new division of her company, Computer Strategies, LLC, Bray supports women, educators, leaders and professionals navigating life and career transitions with clarity and confidence. Her work is rooted in helping people reconnect with their voice, values and sense of agency.
Listening is where that process begins.
“How you listen is important,” Bray explains. “By listening in a way that demonstrates understanding and respect, you build a true foundation for a good relationship.”
That applies far beyond formal leadership.
In a workplace, active listening can help teams avoid miscommunication, clarify goals, and build trust. For leaders, it can reveal concerns before they become larger problems. For employees, it can make collaboration feel less transactional and more grounded in mutual respect. For coaches, educators, parents, partners, and friends, listening to understand, not simply to respond, creates the space people need to uncover and express what has been there all along.
Bray’s approach is practical. She encourages people to decide that they truly want to listen, enter conversations with an open mind, give full attention, allow the speaker to finish, ask clarifying questions, and respond in a way that demonstrates understanding.
Simple does not mean easy, though.
Active listening requires people to stop multitasking. It asks them to resist the urge to interrupt, correct, solve, or redirect too quickly. It asks them to notice whether they are truly paying attention or simply preparing what they want to say next. That distinction matters because people do not only need to be heard. They need evidence that they were understood.
“Just saying ‘I understand’ is not enough,” Bray writes. “People need some sort of evidence of understanding.”
That evidence may come through a thoughtful question. It may come through summarizing what was shared and checking whether it was understood correctly. It may come through adjusting a decision because new information changed the context. In each case, the listener shows that the other person’s perspective has not simply been received, but considered.
That kind of presence is also how others describe Bray’s work. “Barbara has a rare gift: She listens with genuine curiosity, creating a space for people to shine and make them feel immediately at ease,” says Dr. Ilene Winokur, author of Journey to Belonging.
This is especially important during periods of transition. Many of the people Bray works with are navigating moments when identity, direction, or purpose feel uncertain. Some are educators reimagining their work. Some are professionals facing career disruption or reinvention. Some are women moving through illness, caregiving, loss, or a new stage of life. In these moments, the first answer is not always the full answer. The surface issue may be only the beginning of a deeper story.
That is why Bray’s work through Grow Your WHY focuses on listening to the story behind the story.
Her signature Purpose Shift™ VALUES Framework is a six-step process that helps clients value who they are, advocate for what they believe, listen deeply to their heart, understand the story behind their story, embody their purpose as they grow and step into agency and impact.
Although the framework is used in coaching, its relevance reaches into everyday life. People make stronger decisions when they understand what matters most, what they are avoiding, and what values are shaping their choices. Those things are hard to uncover when conversations move too quickly.
Bray references the idea that “listening is as powerful a means of communication and influence as talking well,” a quote attributed to John Marshall. In many settings, influence is often associated with speaking: presenting, persuading, directing, and deciding. But listening can be even more powerful because it creates the trust necessary for people to share what really matters to them.
A leader who listens well does not need to dominate the room to guide it. An employee who listens well can strengthen collaboration. A coach who listens well does not need to rush a client toward a breakthrough. An educator who listens well does not simply deliver information; they create the conditions for learning, agency, and growth.
That has been a throughline in Bray’s career. In 2017, she launched the Rethinking Learning podcast, creating conversations around purpose, identity, learning, and the experiences that shape who people become. Those conversations later informed her book Define Your Why: Own Your Story So You Can Live and Learn on Purpose.
Her latest book, Grow Your Why: One Story at a Time, continues that work through 23 contributing authors, each sharing an experience that shaped their life and purpose. For the audiobook, each contributor narrated their own chapter, allowing listeners to hear the voice behind each story.
As her work expanded from transforming learning to helping people discover their purpose, Bray renamed her podcast from Rethinking Learning to the Grow Your WHY Podcast. From her virtual porch, she listens closely to guests sharing the stories behind their transformational journeys, revealing how purpose often emerges one conversation at a time.
For Bray, active listening is not passive. Rather, it is a way of paying closer attention to what is really happening. It helps people feel seen without rushing to fix them. It reduces misunderstanding. It allows better decisions to emerge because people are responding to what is actually true, not what they assumed was true.
In a culture often shaped by speed, noise, and competing demands, active listening may seem basic. That may be why it is so easily overlooked. But when people actually listen, something shifts. Conversations become clearer. Relationships become stronger. People feel less invisible. The story behind the story has room to surface. And that is often where real understanding begins.
Bray’s coaching, speaking, and podcast work operates through Grow Your WHY.
