The Unfinished Business of Relationships

Ever had a conversation replay in your head at 2 a.m.? You know, the one where you finally come up with the perfect comeback—or realize you never got the closure you needed? That’s the reality of incomplete relationships. Whether it’s a friendship that faded with unresolved tension, a professional relationship that soured, or a family dynamic that’s been awkward since 2009, these loose ends don’t just disappear. They linger, cluttering up your mental real estate and, if left unchecked, can quietly sabotage both personal happiness and professional success.

The real challenge isn’t just identifying these unresolved connections—it’s doing something about them. And yes, that means stepping into some uncomfortable territory. But the upside? The weight lifts. The fog clears. And suddenly, you’re operating with a whole new level of emotional freedom.

The Experiment: 36 Conversations That Made an Impact

Over the course of two and a half years, I did what most people would rather avoid—I confronted unfinished business with thirty-six people from my past. Bosses, colleagues, clients, friends, rivals, even family members. Some conversations were simply misunderstandings, others were long-buried conflicts. Every single interaction forced me to face my own discomfort.

The result? Not only did I gain the clarity I had been avoiding, but I also discovered something unexpected—a better understanding of myself. It turns out that resolving tension isn’t just about making peace with others, but also creating room for personal growth and moving forward without carrying extra weight.

How Conflict May Lead to Breakthroughs

Let’s be honest—few individuals enjoy conflict. It’s awkward, unpredictable, and comes with the risk of making things worse. But here’s the thing: avoidance is the real enemy. Left unchecked, unresolved relationships drain your energy, distract your focus, and, if we’re being dramatic (but not entirely wrong), trap you in an invisible emotional cage.

The trick isn’t just diving headfirst into every difficult conversation—it’s doing it strategically. Engaging conflict doesn’t have to be aggressive or confrontational (despite the name). It requires creating mental and emotional space for clarity, for understanding, and sometimes, simply putting thoughts to rest so they don’t drain your energy or creativity.

The Art of Communication: Getting It Right

If communication is an art, most of us are still finger painting. The good news? There are a few simple but effective tools that may elevate your ability to navigate relational minefields:

Active Listening: Listen to understand, not to respond. When you’re just waiting for your turn to talk, you’re not really listening.
Take Responsibility: Owning your side of the street allows others the space to own theirs. If you have failed to hold someone accountable in the past, say it. For example… “I have failed to address this with you the previous three times I’ve seen it, that’s on me. Going forward you can expect me to address it immediately.”
Emotional Safety: If people feel attacked, they shut down. Creating an environment where honesty isn’t punished and psychological safety is created is key.

With practice, even challenging conversations might start to feel a little easier.

Stories of Personal Change

Some people have taken on this challenge and experienced significant changes. I worked with an executive who had been avoiding a conflict with a business partner for years. When he finally decided to address it directly, they were able to resolve their differences and improve their partnership, which had a positive effect on the company. Another client was able to repair a strained family relationship that had lasted for over a decade. In both situations, it seemed that open communication, courage, and a willingness to face discomfort played a role in the process.

The Role of Forgiveness: Why It’s More About You Than Them

Forgiveness isn’t letting someone off the hook—it’s setting yourself free. Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. It keeps you anchored to the past and suffering in the present. Real forgiveness isn’t pretending something didn’t happen. It’s acknowledging what did happen, releasing it, and moving forward.

Growth is a Lifelong Investment

The best leaders aren’t only great decision-makers; they’re also great relationship-builders. That means committing to continuous personal and professional growth—learning how to navigate difficult relationships, improve emotional intelligence, and strengthen connections. Successful professionals don’t just manage projects; they lead people. And people, as you may have noticed, are complex.

Training Others: Spreading the Skills That Matter

Coaching and training aren’t just for executives and HR professionals. Everyone benefits from learning how to handle difficult conversations, resolve conflict, and build strong relationships. When companies focus on developing these skills, it may lead to improvements in collaboration, morale, and a culture where open dialogue is more common than passive-aggressive emails.

The Takeaway: Embrace the Challenging Moments

In a world that thrives on division—political debates over dinner, workplace tensions, ghosted friendships—knowing how to navigate tough relationships is a superpower. The goal isn’t to agree on everything. It’s to create understanding, find common ground, and build bridges where possible.

Consider one relationship in your life that remains unresolved and try taking a small step toward addressing it. It could be starting a conversation, sending an email, or simply forgiving someone in your own mind to ease any burden. The important part is doing something, as sometimes change begins with small efforts.

Try to avoid giving away your personal and professional power to others who don’t require it or didn’t ask for it. Letting go of resentment, whether big or small, can help you feel lighter and more at ease.

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of any organizations or individuals mentioned. The content is intended for informational purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice. The author encourages readers to seek appropriate professional guidance for specific personal, relational, or psychological matters. Engaging in difficult conversations or resolving past conflicts can be emotionally challenging; readers are advised to approach these processes with care and, if needed, consult a qualified therapist or counselor.

Published by Jeremy S.